


Forever Our Secret

by Fear_The_FWZZ



Category: Filming of Carmilla
Genre: Between Elise and Natasha, F/F, Negovanman - Freeform, changes POV, first person POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:25:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4294161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fear_The_FWZZ/pseuds/Fear_The_FWZZ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Creampuff fandom dream. A Negovanman Fan Fic. Sorry Role players. This is their story not in character XD. This will be the depiction of my messed up mind and how Elise and Natasha live out their lives during the hiatus of Carmilla. (Open to ideas and comments. first story XD)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: The Growing Similarity

"That's a wrap guys!" Spencer shouts from behind the camera after Natasha says her final line.

I rise from the rolling chair that was the centerpiece to an amazing room. This definitely wasn't what I expected to be doing after theatre school. I was just going to be this small girl trying to make her way in the acting career. I've made amazing friends and bonds that are stronger than steel. I am still in amazement while there is sheer chaos surrounding me. I couldn't pull the grin from my face. The thing that breaks me from my trance is Nat hugging me from behind over my shoulders. She leans over my side and stares into my eyes. Her's gleaming and sparkling like that prissy vampire. She's different. She played the broody gay vampire. Is it bad to say I'm falling for a fictional character.

"We did it kid! Let's say to celebrate the finishing of filming we all go out to dinner? How's that sound?" Her voice still deep in tone with a hint of... how do I explain this... sexiness.

I nodded rapidly and she released me. Only a half hour ago did I kiss her on screen for the first time. It took like three times to get it right. I probably looked like a fool for going after her again. I was trying to make it better for the viewers. Speaking of kissing Natasha, well Carmilla, I always called actors by their roles for the longest time. Anyway, her lips were soft and plump. They rolled off mine so smooth I thought they weren't hitting hers. I've done kisses in front of audiences before but never like this. For some reason, this one felt different. I actually liked it instead of being forced into it. Maybe, it's just because I like to kiss in general. I think that is the more intimate than any other so called form of romance. The cast calls me over and I join them. Taking a space between Nat and Matt.

 

I see Elise come towards us and my smile hasn't faded.

"Natasha, what time are we going to be going?" Kaitlyn asked.

"We could go now? How about around 6 or 7?" I return.

Elise speaks up, "I think 6:30 would be good."

The group agreed and after we changed we parted ways. I pull El over to the side to talk to her before she leaves. She has her helmet on in the descending sunlight.

"Hey, that was great and I'm really happy we could experience that in this way. The fandom will explode, am I right?" I speak genuinely and from the heart partially.

I was never good at giving heartwarming lines on the spot. I laugh slightly because I feel pathetic like this.

"Yeah same. Ok bye!" She says and takes off with her bike.

I'm standing there in her tracks.  _Well great._  I thought I saw her cheeks flush to a great degree and I had to smile. I walk back to my temporary apartment to change into something nicer. Maybe, discover more mic tape that I haven't yet pulled off which has happened more than I'd like to admit. On my walk I realize that it's over. There's no more Carmilla for now. We can all hope that there will be a season 2. I know I do. What's the true reason though? I will most definitely keep in contact with everyone, but was it Elise that made me want to return more. I ponder this longer.


	2. Chapter 2: The Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A/N: I am a big person for character development and story build up so it may start slow just don't give up hope gentle viewers.)

My phone is blowing up and if it were in my pocket then my butt would be having a seizure. It mostly concentrates on how we will miss everyone when we're not filming. Some how it got off into splattering paint on a yellow pillow. The leader of that conversation was probably Kait. Somehow I did not give in and just continued to dress. My black flowy hair falling to my shoulders. I stood in the mirror and looked at myself. I can barely remember my height because my memory is disoriented because I'm used to Elise's height. The tight shirt corresponds with the ebony jeans. If I don't have pasta my white shirt may not get ruined yet it was bound to happen. I eventually end up picking up my phone and we're heading for sushi. I check myself over again then head for the door. Being in Toronto it never truly gets warm even when summer is right around the corner. I call Spencer to confirm the location and make the trek there. One day I am going to be known in these streets. However, as oddly narcissistic as that was I think the entire series is going to go insane. I really just want it to be the way Jordan imagined it.

I see the front door and the blonde hair swing back and forth. I seem to quicken my pace and make it to the door in record time. I open the door and hear the foreign language overwhelm me. El greets me warmly with a hug and a ki... I wish. She welcomes me with a heartfelt hello. She wears a small blue dress with a small, black fabric flower over the heart.

"I got the amount of people to the guy over there we just need to find room now," she giggles and I have to join her. It's so god damn adorable.

"Gave El. You  _gave_ the man the amount of people," I correct her through a laugh.

She playfully punches my arm, "shh, it's been a long day."

Soon after, the ginger squad comes barrelling through the doors along with Ellen and Spencer. Jordan couldn't come due to other obligations. The buzzer goes off causing Elise to jump. She laughs as she returns it and leads us to the table.

 

This table could've easily been mistaken for the Round Table it was that big. I sat don near the head but not quite. Nat sat down next to me on my left and Kaitlyn to my right. Followed with Annie, Matt, Sharon, Spence, and Ellen. That makes eight of us. It takes a small but of time for the waitress to get to our table. She goes down the sides for drinks. I order a margarita just to treat myself. Small accomplishments. A loud discussion breaks out about the sannes of Orphan Black and stuff similar to that. My eyes constantly wander to Natasha. Her face seems slightly bored or annoyed or both.

I stutter, "You alright?"

It takes her a second to respond,"Yeah, just tired that's all."

I comply. It is pretty exhausting doing this kind of stuff. There's a small part of me that's not wanting to trust her, but I try not to question. Our drinks come and Natasha is still pretty silent. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom. A complexion of anger plastered on it as she left. I say the same and chase after her. Something is seriously up with her and I am trying to be a good friend and cast mate. Before I enter I hear the stall door smash close. I inch into the bathroom. No one is in there except me and Nat. There's no instic that I felt that she was actully was going to go. I knocked quietly and echoed the same volume.

"Nat, can I come in?"


	3. Chapter 3: The Feeling of Her Leaving

When I heard the door open to the bathroom I knew Elise followed me in. I didn't realize that my emotions controlled me. It's like gray area between the final scene to now. How could I be so stupid? El knocked on the stall which startled me. She wanted to come in. It was pretty obvious that I was trying to escape. My breath quickens when I draw the lock open. She steps in with a panicked face. It's adorable. Almost morbid that I want it more. Stop Nat! You can't have these feelings! But holy crap do I want to have them.

"Hey what's up with you?" She asked.

I look at her with my puppy dog eyes. So close but there's such a space between us. She wouldn't want me like that. I'm just another cast member to her. Leaving reality for a short moment, I remember awhile back when reading the scripts to ourselves. It was like reading a book. We were just as surprised of the outcome. I can remember a slight mist in my eyes before the final episodes. When I read that I will have to kiss Laura in a passionate way and in a hopeless atmosphere I almost fell out of my seat. I waited for at least a half hour before texting Elise about it. We were both screaming and laughing. Little did I know my feelings started the next day. We met up at Elise's bedroom to discuss somethings. I probably brushed my teeth twelve times that morning. When I arrived she had that same goofy smile she has today. We sat across from each other.

I spoke to her softly and unconfidently, "we should do the scene. Just so it isn't awkward on set."

She nodded at that. She looked away and bit her lip. I try to reassure her that it'll be ok, but she wouldn't turn to me.

In a slow, dark tone El spoke, "I know that you're going through a lot of stuff with your mom..."

She then looked up and sent me flying back in my mind yet on the surface I held the same composer. Her lips parted. My hand slowly touched her face. Smooth, very smooth. I could smell the peppermint on her breath. I drew near until our noses touched. We barely broke eye contact except for the blinks in between each other. I leaned in connecting ourselves to each other. Her lips matched her skin. Wet and irresistible scent. I am melting into her with the warmth that rushes from her lungs through her nose. My eyes close as she captivates my senses. Kidnapping me only to her. I almost was ready to wake up thinking it was a dream. This wasn't dream. I was kissing a pretty girl in a small cozy room. My hand still lied on her cheek. Both of ours radiating a deep red. She pulled back slightly but not off my lips. I pursued her and letting my lips take control. Her hands migrate to my arms and we stay like that until we both part ways. Right then I knew I was going to be in for a ride this production. I looked at her. Trying to see if she felt the same. Her eyes remained close but a smile curled up on her face. I couldn't help but do the same.

Going back made me realize that I'm still like three inches away from El. She asked me again.

"Uh, just tired I told you. Sorry just kinda hard to accept that you guys will be going for awhile. I'm just being an emotional bastard. Go back. Enjoy the dinner. I'm going to head home. I'll keep in touch." I lied.

Elise seemed slightly depressed and deflated from what I said. I try to pass her but end up getting stuck in the doorway. She laughs nervously and backs away first, letting me breach the open space of the washroom. Before I left fully I turned to her and I one quick motion kissed her hard on the mouth. Those lips haven't changed since that first day. She is surprised but soon accepts it. I let go and then leave. Returning to my lonely apartment. I shut the door behind me and collapse in on myself. It's not physical pain. It's the pain and burden of my best friend who I want around all the time, but feel like I just can't have.


	4. Chapter 4: It All Goes on the Table

_What? Natasha what did you do?_ My internal thoughts are running wild. She just kissed me without warning and I enjoyed it. I relish the remaining taste of her lips on mine.  _Why do I feel scared and apprehensive to tell her how I actually feel?_ Then again this is karma from this afternoon. She wanted to tell me something more, but I ran off. Just lie she did here. Natasha is the most confusing character I believe in this entire world. I thought she thought of me as a cast mate, but now not so much. I still wonder if it's still a friend thing. I exit the bathroom baffled and wide eyed. Returning to the table I see Natasha's bag and jacket gone. She really has left. Barely a goodbye I would say. We are given the food we ordered earlier but I can't get her out of my head.  _What do you want me to be Natasha?_ I stay prominently quiet for the evening and eventually leave the restaurant. Saying my farewells to the cast. I love all of the. They have my backs on anything and also crack me up to lengths I didn't even think were humanly possible. When I return home I call Natasha to come over. I'm not going to let this sit on me for who knows how long. The dial tones feel outdrawn and obnoxiously loud. With each new number being added to the call my nerves rise. Nat is something more to me. I think we both realize that, but is it bad I want more than that. I am a selfish child who wishes she could have what she wants with little dilemma. I press talk and wait biting on my fingers.

"Elise? Hey..." The other line went.

I was somewhat relieved that she wouldn't just shut me out like some others did back in highschool. "Nat, can we talk. Face to face. Here?"

She doesn't respond right away like she is debating what to say. After for what seems like ages she answers.

"Yeah...I'll be right there."

I feel my face redden.  _Am I ready for this?_ It wasn't like I was asking for sex or anything. That's what I made it sound like.

I wait around and the doorbell rings. I know I jumped at the sound of it. It seemed that she arrived quicker than expected. I gulp and open the door. She stands there in a dark blue attire and I invite her in. I grab two glasses of water and join her on the couch. There is a lot of space between us. Her eyes still gleam their dark pupils. We both start mumbling at the same time like we wanted to tell something to each other simultaneously.

"No you go first," I sad.

"El, you invited me over. What do you want to say?" She echoed.

I stutter so I stop before continuing. A deep breath and say it in one exhale, "I've wanted to tell you my feelings since we met on set that day. We were sitting on my bed and right then did I realize what I wanted in my life..." I trail off seeing her turn away. I ramble again, "Nat. I'm sorry this is probably weird to you and I was being stupid-"

I'm cut off from her lips. The soft pillow lips on mine. My heart is trying to start again after skipping so many beats.SHe leans deeper into me. Her breath comes quickly as does mine. Our faces weave in and out between each other. We are together,we are one. She eventually pulls away but I seem to be still in her arms. Our foreheads against each other.

Her voice comes soft and graceful, "Elise, I've had these burning emotions about you in me since that day too. You are an amazing person. Truly amazing. I want you to, but I'm not in the position at the moment to be in a relationship. You know, with my Dad and all."

Her hands are pulled farther from my face. Our faces matching in pigment. I nod at her. I'm not going to give up on her. She still likes me exactly how I like her. At least it's a start. I got to kiss her where it meant something.I think I'm falling for her even harder now.  _Damn Natasha, you really know how to captures people's attention._


	5. Chapter 5: 1 Month Later

My dad hasn't gotten any better. He is still very sick and not recovering. He contracted a weird disease with his heart and now he's on all types of loopy drugs and a ventilator. My entire family knew he doesn't have much longer. I was never much of a crier and when I heard that he has a couple months my eyes started watering. Tears are a sign of pain or sadness. He isn't dying, he's going to a happier place with no problems. I should help him on his journey to that paradise. My papa. He helped and accepted almost everything I've done in my life. He was the one who took me to my first production. Opera. Anything. I look at him now with his growing gray hair on his head. His eyes are closed and his eyelids cover the dark brown, like mine, color that capture his iris. My fingers slid through his thin hair. The door opens and it's my brother.

"Hey Natasha, how's he doing?" 

I don't answer him but just look towards our dad. He could already tell that he wasn't well. I never expected him to be bed ridden. Spending his final days surrendered to the sheets of a hospital bed. I was very close to him and just seeing him go is terrible. I feel my heart quiver under the stress of it all. I've been though enough funerals to know how it goes. My granddad's and grandmother's funeral. An aunt and a friend. Too much for one life time and I'm not even close to the halfway point.  
Life is different from the game. You can't predict the space you land on. You can't choose the easy option to get a better result at the end. You don't get to spin again once your turn is up. These differences make people forget that our own existence is important and each one of us have a weight that we carry everyday. One less makes the Earth shift. Even just the slightest. His life hasn't been wasted and I can only congratulate him on that. He's done everything he's wanted to do. The majority of it at least. He's made a line of Negovanlis' that will uphold the surname. 

My eyes are pulled away from him when the door opens again. I expect my mother but the door opens slowly. A small figure with straight blonde hair holds a bouquet of flowers that shine a deep red. Roses. His favorite flowers.

"I just wanted to come to see how he was doing. But I guess you've heard that enough right?" The girl says. 

"Yeah Elise, I guess I have. Thank you for coming." I respond. 

I take the flowers from her and place it in the glass vase that already held a lot of flowers to begin with I grab a chair that was rested upon the wall. I put it next to mine and take a seat. 

"Your dad was the strongest man I knew. It'll be ok no matter what happens you know." 

I give a smile to her. Small but still there. I want to kinda leave and take a break for a little bit. I kiss my dad on his forehead and leave the room. The hospital bustling with activity. There was a family crying down the hall. I walk over to the area and on the wall I can already sense it was a child. Drawings and color exploded off the walls. The mother most likely, wails for her child. I don't dare ask what's wrong with the child because no matter what's up the receiving party is going to live through the moment again. Elise followed me out and I lead her out into the parking lot. The sun is out but not warm. A brisk wind fills me. 

"Nat," a small voice behind me says, "do you want to escape? Take the day off and just live?" She catches herself before continuing. "Sorry, bad choice of words. Do you want to just go wild and crazy?" 

Quoting Carmilla, "I think I'd like that very much." 

She puts on an epic smile and locks her arm with mine and drags me to my car. I open the passenger side for her and get in the drivers seat. My hand lies on the space in the aisle between the two seats. El's arm is hesitant but grabs my hand and grazes her fingers through mine. The small, beautiful hands that I love. I hold tight to hers. I ask where we go and she said to the oblivion. And that's what we do. We drive over the highway into the oblivion of the empty blue sky.


	6. Chapter 6: Empty Blue Sky

The wind blowing through my long hair. The warmth of Natasha's hand on mine making it that much better. Carmilla has been released and the fandom is exploding. who knew that Hollstein was almost true. I put down the visor to block out the sun that has invaded my sight. Returning to normal vision I try to smile where she can see me. It was terrible that her father isn't doing well. I want to keep her mind off the bad thoughts. As we drive the endless highway is overlapping the great lake of Ontario. She rolls up the window to ask me something.

"You said you've wanted to go to a beach that was deserted right?"

And in which I have. There's always that wish that the beauty of the water kissing the shore could only be for your eyes. That wind that blows sand over the plain only for you. The sun's rays for you. We pull up to the lot. Since it's out of season we don't need to pay which we usually do. There are few cars there but not like there is in the summer. I get out the car and the air is chilled. Nat is slow retreating from the car. I let her have her time. She isn't in the best mind set at the moment. I'll give her that. I walk ahead and lean over a sand eroded wooden banister. The beach is open with couples walking along the shores, families with small children, and people running with pets of all breeds. Behind me arms are wrapped around my waist. I feel my insides tingle and almost hear them sizzle from the touch of her fingers.

"He...hey Nat."

She didn't speak just rubbed her cheek on the crook of my neck. I hear a slight grumble from her. Her hands moved from around me and laced in between my fingers. I couldn't contain the red that is spreading over my cheeks. She pushes my weight forward and we start walking down the ramp that is made of the same material the banister was. She walked with my hand in hers and she had a very different attitude than inside the car. When the wood turned to sand my feet sunk in. I suggested taking off our shoes. She agreed and started taking off her shoes and socks. I don't think her eyes strayed from me. When we rose we continued our walk towards the water. The color radiating the sky. The sound of wisp waves washing away at the sand.

"Is there a reason for the all of a sudden affection?" I ask breaking the silence.

"Why not eh?" She answers plainly.

I look at her but her mind is elsewhere. it may not even be in this universe anymore. Her eyes locked onto the sun. She stops, wrenching back my arm. She pulls me in with a spin. Her arms caress my back.  _Is she about to kiss me or what?_ Before I let my mind wander she sits down. This is very odd of her but I accept whatever she does. I'm still crushing as hard as I was before, but I do my best to hide that and not make her feel awkward. The sand is warm against my ankles. Nat's arms still around me. We sit so close that I feel she can hear my heart beating. Our faces right next to each other.

"Can you please tell me what's going on? Cause you're making my hormones go wild."

She responded with a conniving expression. "Well let me explode your hormone bombs."

She didn't say anything after that but leaned in. Her lips connecting with mine. Her dark hair blown into my face. As she kisses me again I push it back with my hands. Cupping her face. I move closer and our hips are nearly touching. I don't mind the romance but I'm confused on where this is going. I didn't realize it but Natasha's tongue is in my mouth, and mine in her mouth. My eyes are closed and I don't dare open them.  _Please don't be a dream. PLease let her really mean this. I...I...love her._  I'm not even lying. I want her around all the time. Who cares if it's selfish or me being needy, but what I know is that she knows how to have a good time. She pushes my back to the sand using my shoulders. Becoming more dominate. Nat is straddling me and is kissing me forcefully. If I didn't know better I thought she was looking for sex. Her in general is just amazing. Perfect body, perfect personality, perfect everything. She always holds something back so I can always learn something new about her. Her hands release from my waist and move up my stomach. Never breaking the intense kissing. Her hands grapple my chest. I let out a small gasp. She stops for a millisecond to see if I'm ok. I nod and she continues. The time she started has made me want her more and more. She may be dominate but I can't let it be only that.

In one motion I flip her around. Making me the boss.

"Why? What is all this because I can't keep being led on."

My voice is stern. Unlike the body mass stereotype. I look at her with a deep gaze. Seeming so big against her. She sits up, putting me back in her arms.

"I lied earlier. When I said I didn't need anyone. How could I have been so ignorant? I didn't mean it," Slowly her voice soothes me and matches the motion of the waves. "Elise. It's not the fandom that is driving me towards you. It's you driving me to you. I want you to be mine. My. My. Girlfriend. So if you accept. Kiss me."

Her head bows and she looks at the sand. Her hand tries to grasp something but the sediments slid through her hands. I place my hands over hers. Stopping her embarrassment. Then they migrate to her cheeks. I pull her as close as I can. Giving her a heaping kiss on the lips meaning I want her for as long as the universe exist. When I pull away I laugh slightly.

"Lets keep this pure. No social media. No outing. No nothing. A simple relationship in which there are no rules. Obligations. Lines."

A smile grows on both our faces and I pull her down again.


	7. Chapter 7: Not The Blonde Chest Hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll understand the title at the end of the chapter XD

The time we both came up for air the sun was just setting. In the early September night sky you could already see the stars emerging in the growing darkness. Elise's lips still tingling on mine. We're together. There's no more room for loneliness. I have one of my best friends next to me. For a long time now. The sand is plastered to my skin but I brush it off. It rubs on certain areas where the skin is sensitive but I think nothing of it. I feel warm. Cozy. Wanted. We got beyond close on and off set but this is the closest we've been ever. I'm not complaining.

"I can't wait for 5:30 today! Episode 10! Can't wait. Your knee high socks and bangs I could just die for the last episode." El says breaking the lip language barrier.

I just nod at her obliviousness. It's adorable. She acts like this just never happened. I can only salute her light hearted personality. I have a tendency to hold grudges over some things. Like after the music video I shot where I overdosed on pills but I also had to make out with a guy who was a terrible kisser. His light beard I can still feel scratching my face. Elise stands and I only watch as she walks around me. I am next to stand and we head back to my car. My arm still looped around her side and our hips connected. I offer to drive her home but she refuses and I end up bringing her back to my place. My roommates are out partying across the freaking province so I... I mean we... have the loft to ourselves. We walk ourselves through the doors and up the stairs into a spacious kitchen. I grab two wine glasses and pour us a drink. I hand it to her and our fingers brush. I stare deeply into her eyes. She leaned her small body against the counter top. I replace the glass in her hand with my hand. Putting down both our glasses on the table with a resounding ding. My lips are against hers again. That's all I want to do with her. Is just kiss her for hours on end. She pushes back on my shirt slightly, Her breath still on my lips.

In the quietest, cutest voice she says, "it's 5:29..." Breaking our kiss she grabs her glass again and sits herself on the couch. She prepares her phone which already has at least 100 texts in total from the cast. We give play by play text messages most of the time because we filmed these episodes out of order. So that makes us anxious for how it all comes together. I don't bother with my phone at the moment as I set Youtube up on the Tv. It's a big set so it's a better viewer for two people. I refresh the page as it hits 5:30 and I click it immediately. The inro opens with the all too familiar piano keys. I sit next to Elise and get ready for the episode. 

The episode proceeds and it was funny nonetheless but my eyes were fixed on Laur. Damn. I mean my eyes were on Elise. Who was completely fixed on the screen. I think of snuggling up to her side but I think that would be a bit clingy. Since we kinda made out all afternoon. There's never too much kissing with her. I also may have bombed the first kiss on screen on purpose. Just maybe. I try to look at the screen but still look over. Until she realized. Right there I thought she was going to call me obsessed and insane but does something completely different. She lies down on my in the crevice of my armpit. The episode finishes off and I turn the TV off. I finally pick up my phone and give my final reactions. When Sharon text we both burst out laughing. I even almost spill my drink on Elise. I run my fingers through her blonde hair. Her head has weight on my stomach but it feels like nothing. I lean down and kiss her head. 

My phone buzzes again and it's a snapchat from Kaitlyn. Elise doesn't have it and she has no intention to invest her time into it. I open the snap it's Kait and Sharon both with an open mouthed selfie like they were surprised. I send one back mirroring their faces. I send it and put my phone down again. usually we don't go back and forth for too long. My phone light up again. I open it and read the message on the screen. "Do you just have blonde chest hair..."The snap ends and another one comes in finishing the statement. "or is that someone laying on you *interested emoji face*" 

I didn't even realize her hair was in the photo. I probably should've checked the perimeter but that was the last thing on my mind. I can't hide it anymore. There is someone here and i can't lie saying it's someone else. I sit Elise up and take another snap. My face is weird as always, and her's is perfect... like always. I write, "Yeah, someone decided to drop by". She didn't drop by but lets not let them expect so much at one time. I don't answer their last snap. We are face to face again. The darkness growing in the room. The lights were off to make the episode experience more dramatic. Or I just didn't want to get up to turn on the light. We are down again. The night filled with more and more kisses. Heated kisses. Slow kisses. Intimate kisses. Passionate kisses. Just kissing everywhere. We didn't shed anything but jackets and shoes. We weren't ready for more than what we were doing already.  _Oh my god! Can I kiss everyone like I kiss Elise?_

*****************************************************************************************************

I awake in a unknown bed and in a mangle of black hair. It took me a second to realize I was in Natasha's apartment and I kissed her for a long amount of time. I bite my lips to try and remember her taste of her mouth and tongue. I accidently make a small gurgling noise that makes Nat wake. I lightly place a hand on her cheek. I feel the warmth in her cheeks. She leans forward just a tad and brushes my lips. She pushes off the bed and stands and opens the curtains filling the room with light. I have to squint for a second until I adjust to it. 

"Hey what time is it?" I ask with a groggy and satisfied face.

"UH I think like 9:00 Am. Why do you have--" I cut her off.

"Oh no I have to go! I was supposed to do something with them for their Youtube thing this morning! Sorry to cut it short."

I race off the bed and kiss Nat on the cheek as I fly out the door. My shoes half on.  _Great. Now I look like I just had a one night stand. Well it isn't too far off. Minus the sex and other things but anyway._ I try to hail a cab and grab one. I got lucky it was quick. I'm Dropped at my house in record time. I ask him to keep the meter running as I run inside. I change my shirt and pants. Grab my pack and the little surprise I have for them. I'm back in the car and speeding off to Kait's place. I'm still trying to catch my breath, but it's pretty constricting with my jacket and I happen to grab the flannel shirt I own.  _Way to follow the lesbian trend Elise._


	8. Chapter 8: Why Must I Fall For The Hot One?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! But I'm getting ideas now! This will be updated again! I hope you all enjoy Negovanman Season 2 as much as I do!

The car screeches to a halt just outside the apartment. I pay the man and he tips his head and drives off. I buzz their apartment and they reply and I go through the doors. I take the stairs up to their door and knock. They open the door and the gummy smile makes me laugh. 

"Heyo lise-e." Wide eyes looking at me.

I push past them putting my bag down on a chair.

"You know I don't like that name."

They laugh and shrug it off. Kaitlyn offers me a drink but I deny at first. I'll drink later on the video thing. I'm very unaware of how that all works. I notice Kait is acting strange like they know something. There's this sense of mischief in their eyes. I start wondering about the place looking at the decore and their instruments. I can still feel Kaitlyn's gaze burning in the back of my skull. I turn quickly and face them.

"Can I help you in any shape or form?" I say trying to hold up a smile so it doesn't sound like I'm pleading for the answer which I basically am.

"So you were hanging out with Nat yesterday eh?" Their eyebrows raise and now I know that she suspects something. 

I'm honestly not ready to give us up yet. I can barley accept it myself. I don't know if we were going to fast about this. I mean we just met a couple months ago and now it's escalated to this, but I don't entirely feel bad about it either. Elise, you still have to answer them.

"Oh yeah! Uh, sorry. Tired" _Wrong thing to say Elise._

Their grin grows, "tired? From what? Because what I saw in the snap you seemed pretty relaxed laying on her chest." 

My face grows bright red and it's incredibly impossible to conceal it. I start to babble but no actual words exited my mouth that were correctly pronounced. They rub my shoulder.

"Hey. I'm just badgering you. I know you have a close bond with her for 'reasons'. I would never assume something like that. You and I both know Nat doesn't like assumptions or titles/ labels. You should've seen your face. it was like I was taking a puppy from your hands. Petrified. I have a close friendship with Sharon so I know how it feels for people to think otherwise."

The color of my face returns and I release the breath I have been holding.

Yup. Too soon.

The video was very long. We sat answering questions forever. Kait didn't even let me see half of them because they were way too sexual or just down right weird. I thank them for that. I stuff the red wig back in my bag and think about heading out when they stop me again. 

"What could you possibly want?"

"Yo El. You would tell us, right?"

"About?" My voice slightly on edge.

"If you and Natasha were a couple?"

"I think you have bigger things to worry about Kaitlyn." I say and leave immediately. 

I don't know why I feel the way I do for Natasha. She is a business partner, but at the same time I need her to be my partner in everything I do. Why must I always fall for the hot ones...

**MOVES TO FILMING OF SEASON 2!**

It's been months now and Elise and I have gotten so much closer. We have  released it to the cast, but they pretty much knew ever since the CITF event back in November. I'm as open as I can when in around her. The little ball of sunshine never dies and keeps my heart warm. I feel we've done a good job hiding it. On my phone I have plenty photos of me and Elise that haven't been seen by anyone else. Like the photo from Christmas, under the tree. I set the phone up across my apartment on a stand and dimmed the lights. Elise was wrapped around me in the shadows of the bright and colourful lights. It's darkish but it looks nice. Then it was a close up of our mouths together with the early sun behind us. I take great effort in getting good photos of anyone because everyone has their own beauty. Especially  Elise. She's all I can think about in a day and because the filming of season 2 is coming up it makes me even more giddy under this dark hair. I've read through the script more than I thought was possible. Especially honing in on episode 1, 12, and 36. I feel those will be the more thought out scenes. Especially compared to each other. 

I've invited Elise and the rest of the cast over just so we can have a moment of calm before the hustle and bustle set in. The first to arrive were Kaitlyn and Sharon. Followed by Annie. Matt and Aaron were doing more line work and practice on his accent so they couldn't come. Then it was Elise who came last. The five of us were thrown about the Fourier when there was a knock. I was the first one to respond and run to the door. Well not nearly run but, damn it. I was excited to see her. I open it and she was perfect in every way. Some small capris, a nice crop-ish top, and some regular Nike sneakers. She smiles widely and I bend down to kiss her right on the mouth. I pull her into the hallway a bit and keep my foot in the door. The only thing more embarrassing then an entire room of grown adults staring at you, is an entire group of adults laughing when you lock yourself out of your own room. I take her wrist and put the around my waist. I kiss her once more in the hallway then look down with a smile. 

"Hey there Elise"

"Afternoon to you too." She smiles and licks her lips. Causing her bottom lip to be caught between her teeth to try and lessen the smile that grew on her face.

I open the door agian and lead her inside. Everyone was still talking with each other and not give looks. That's all she wanted. No looks or judgements. Elise has been the best thing to happen in her life. She was too attached to one relationship that ended in a plundering, sputtering, mess. She didn't feel the bad omen with her. Her hand seemed to fit in mine. Like the final puzzle piece. My life is screwy in every way, but Elise my my side makes it just that much better. Every time I see her a smile is always there. I've never seen her cry real tears. Never seen her truly upset. I can't stay mad at her. She's like a puppy that needs love, and do I feel that? I just may.

I drew my arm around her waist as we sat on the hardwood flooring against the couch. 

"So," Sharon says, "can you guys believe we're going to screen again?"

"Well you kinda have to believe it since it is a reality. Did I expect it should be the question. And the answer to that is no" Elise said under in my arms, leaning into my side.

"True that El." She responded.

Eventually, I don't even know how it came about, but we all were given a surprise alcohol curtisy of Kaitlyn. It was like a little game. Was it vodka? Gin? Rum? Tequila? Who knows. We each take a sip of our drinks and surprisingly no one threw up on the spot. Annie took it even though she had a sour face. I had the gin which was pretty good. I never got around to asking what everyone else got. 

The afternoon grew long and soon the day turned to night. The group was getting a little more comfortable but I kept the drinking down to a minimal. I liked seeing everyone's second side. Even if that at all. I'm making it sound a lot worse than what it is but at the moment Elise has taken liking to the skin around my neck. I giggle slighitly at her blonde hair that tickles me. I take her hand and disappear into another part of the loft. The lights are off and no real light shines through The shaded window. 

"Nattt-" she moans out as I push her against the wall. 

"yeah El?"

"You're like the best girlfriend I've ever had. Will you never leave me?"

"Sure thing, sunshine." I smile and push in for another kiss. 

Her tongue explores my mouth once again and I fall more into her. We are co-stars and business partners, but screw that. I care about her too much to admit that it's only that. I thought I could get farther with her in the night, but remembered there's people just outside. 

We're only interrupted by the door hitting my back because Kaiytln was looking for us. I peer around the edge and they were surprised by the position we were in. Me between Elise's legs and her pinned to the wall. 

"Uh sorry, guys, we outside were just wondering something. Would anyone be up for a game night? We can find games around here and I saw Cards Against Humanity in the closet."

Elise gets out from under me and smiles, feeling just like Kaitlyn never saw them just making out. She goes out the door but in a sing song voice she speaks. 

"Don't you mean gay-m night" She laughs. 


	9. Chapter 9: Gay-m Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aka. The chapter that makes everything about them Non-Canon XD I lose all sense of actuality here. Hope you enjoy

I didn't have too much to drink yet, but I swear I can get drunk off Natasha. Her lips are like a stiff drink. Buring my throat with her tongue. The more of her I have. The more I get lost. I like her. I like her a lot. 

I go to the open floor where Sharon and Annie were already setting up chairs around the table. I sit on the wooden chair and look at them. They exchange glances then laugh to themselves. 

"What?" My voice high in curiosity. 

They point to their own shoulders and I look at mine. At least half my chest is out of my shirt. I turn quickly in embarrassment and fix my shirt. When I turn back Natasha comes back and sits next to me. Putting a hand on my knee which sends butterflies through my blood. The epicenter is where her hand was. I look at her and she gives me what others would call  _seduction eyes._ Kaitlyn got the box of CAH and set it at the middle of the table. 

"Who's first?" they giggle, "also if your card wins, you have to take a dare or question from all us."

"Wait when did this happen?!" Natasha speaks up. 

"Just now. Ok. I nominate Elise to go first.

I nod and draw a black card. 

"When I went to Grandma's house I found... *blank*"

The room erupts into laughter and they scan their cards. I take another sip of my drink and watch their eyes looking for the perfect card. Everyone hands in their cards and I read. 

"When I went to Geandma's house I found... My grandpa's porn collection, a stuffed walrus, an old sock, and the dead bodies of children. Well, holy damn!"

I start burst out laughing because all make no sense. "Ok ok. I'm going to have to pick Grandpa's Porn Collection." I say through laughing tears. 

Annie raises her hand and I give her raised eyebrows. I try to surpress my laugh to think of a dare or question. 

"Hmm ok. Annie. I dare you to take a shot of Tequila. "

"That all El? Alright. Pass me that."

She finds a small shot glass and pours the drink. She downs it quickly and looks at me. 

"There you go Elise."

She nods and we go around a couple times. Neither me nor Natasha won a card yet and maybe we're doing that on purpose. 

"i will be buried with my favourite... *blank*" Sharon says. 

I know almost the perfect card because I've been holding it from the beginning of the game. 

She calls out the cards, earning a few giggles. Then mine comes. "the souls of my enemies"

The room laughs but I try to hide my face to keep it a secret. 

"I'm going to have to go with this one" She raises her eye brows when I say it was mine. 

"Alright. I'm giving you a question... Hmm. Who kissed who first?" She says non chalantly. 

"Well uh I mean we both-"

"Elise. Who. Kissed. Who. First. You know what I'm talking about." Punctuating each word. 

"Natasha did..."

She snorts and continues. My face reddenS. I alm hate winning because the questions are getting edgy. 

"Who suggested it?"

"Will you guys marry each other?"

"But Elise, what about the fan base. They already suspect it. What are you going to do in the future?"

That's when I finally spoke up. "You guys are being children. You want to just prick and prode our relationship fine, but damn. Do one of you even have a sense of decency."

"Fine, dare then. Natasha, you won the last card. We have a dare for you. On Twitter, make a tweet not saying you're with Elise, but someone special. Having a but of "fun". Exactly like that." Kaitlyn says with half a grin.

She does so and her face is getting to be more and more red as the night falls late. We eventually stop and Natasha pulls me to a spare room. She has her phone out and looks at me. She slams the door and taps her finger on the door frame.

"Nat? You ok?"

 

How could I be ok? I want to so bad. So bad, but I have thousands of people in the way.

"Elise, you don't understand something. I want to be able to post about you. I want to expose us to the world. I want to go into the heart of Toronto with you, and just you."

Elise looks down at her hands and shakes her head, "but I know you can't..."

I bod my head at her but then a decision comes in my head and it's hard to get it out. "I mean what's stopping us..."

"Are you actually putting this into reasonable excuses?"

"Yeah I know. It was a stupid idea."

Elise comes behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. She comes close to my ear.

"Well, the more you talk, the more persuasive you're being."

I turn quickly and sit her on the bed.

"Do you actually want to do this?"

She nods and grabs my phone from my hands and looks through my photos and I look through hers. I don't go too far back, just looking for photos that don't specifically point to a certain day. I eventually keep locked on a time we went to a private café my friend owns. It's us both holding hands in front of the window and looking out. Well Elise was looking out. I was looking at all the beauty I needed. 

"Ooh. I really liked that one. It's so picture perfect cute right?"

I laugh slightly and pick which one she wanted me to post. Instead of an actual photo she has the camera app open and she pulls me close before I can react. She's just a hair away from my lips, her head and nose are touching my face, she smiles. I fall so hard for that smile. The blonde hair and brown eyes. I fell for Elise and I should enjoy myself with her. Expand my horizons and boundries. The camera clicks a couple times. Elise lowers the phone but still stays connected to my head. She puts both of her small hands on my neck.

"A great way to start filming season 2?"

"A great way to start filming season 2." I say back, agreeing with her, and laugh slightly.

She finally pulls me in and she kisses me once. Elise pulls back and takes her phone and goes to Instagram. I do the same. I load the photo into the queue and add just a small filter to make it look defined. 

Elise counts back softly from three.

"Three..." 

_My heart pounds like it's going to exploded through my rib cage._

"Two..."

_Am I actually doing this? Yes Natasha, you're admitting to the world that you are in love with this girl._

"One..." She hits the button and reluctantly I do too.

_Love!?!?!_

And it's out. We're out. These photos will be the most liked photos and I bite my lip. I do because... I feel alive. Elise had brought me from tech grave and I couldn't thank her more.

_What did I just do..._


	10. Chapter 10: The Ultimate Purpose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple little interview couldn't hurt.

"-Cuddling up with your nice warm..." She trails off and her lips were against mine. 

I give another kiss back to her, but have to pull away to get out my next line. I could've easily stayed there in the middle of the room, everyone watching, just kissing Natasha. Ever since the Instagram posts I got very narcissistic, and wanted everyone to know I was dating the one and only Natasha Negovanlis. The fandom nearly imploded when those photos went up online. We immediately got to the top of tumblr, thanks to Nat showing me, and was the biggest thing for everyone to see. She went straight home after we posted so I didn't get to say what I wanted to. Was I scared? Probably. I wasn't ready to admit I almost love her. We have been dating since August, and now it's May, but I'm still unsure. Sure I've said it when I'd tease her, but seriously I'm just being pathetic. 

The scene ends and when Spencer yells 'it's a wrap'. Again, I flash back to the first time he said it. I was denying my feelings for Natasha, but now I'm open and in love. Screw it. I'm in love. I have to smile and I wrap my arms around her. She does the same and we rock from foot to foot. When we let go the rest of the cast does a small dance. I escape the small room and change out of my outfit to put on a small gray tank top with ruffles near the chest. While in the quiet changing room I start to think. And because I was thinking, my mind happened to drift to Natasha. I can feel my heart to swell and my stomach churns all the same. I'm whipped. That's what it came down to. Had I been in highschool I would've had the biggest crush on her probably. No it was different. I never really had this paralyzing crush on her. I just felt we had a really great connection, and I always need someone like that in my life. I close my eyes and I just start to picture and imagine.  A river of dark wavy hair, a cool hand on my back, and the scent of a beautiful girl. I can hear my own heart start to pump in my ears. I lean against the wall and fall deeper into my thoughts. 

"Day dreaming, El?" I hear the friendly voice that pulled me from my moment of blindness. 

I look up to Natasha that stands in the door way with the ever so present smirk. She walks over to me and takes a seat next to me. She gently nudges my shoulder with hers and I lean my head on it. I never knew posting something on Instagram can affect my life on such a grotesque level. I'm allowed to go on open dates with her. Allowed to play with her hair when I'm bored. Allowed to do all these things I would've dreamed of doing the former year. When I first laid eyes on her I knew she'd be special somehow. The strong jaw bone gave an aura of strength and dedication, the dark hair that ran to her shoulders showed that she was confident, the eyes that bore into me every time we locked glances. I don't even know what that showed to me, but I just knew and had this feeling. The words forming in her throat made me look at her softly. 

"Elise, I don't think I could ask for a better partner to act with. Honestly you make this entire process so much easier and filming Almost Adults was so much better because we got to play an entire different relationship. But, of course, I miss killing many many people with the contact of our kissing machines." She smirks

"Kissing machines Natasha? Seriously?" I laugh.

I give up on pursueing her since it's been a long day already, I fold into her. i feel her warm lips sit on top of my head. I hear more footsteps and separate from Natasha. It wasn't that I felt awkward with her, it was just unnecessary for others to see. I see Paige wrap the corner and smile when she peers in.

"Oh hey guys. Am I interrupting something?" Her voice not annoyed at the question.

"Oh not at all," Natasha spoke as she stood.

She gave me her hand to help up and I used it, but since I was exhausted, I ended up falling into her when I extended my legs. Her arms wrapped tight and I felt okay. I smiled when she laughed and pushed me to an upright position. I turn my attention back to Paige and moved away from Nat.

"Would it be okay if we interview you two for additional content? It's not necessary, but if you were up to explaining how the show affected your relationship I think it would help sponsorship and pure fandom involvement."

I look to the raven haired girl for confirmation because I was ready to say stuff about it so I could even think things over. She gave a confirming nod and we moved into the main floor where we filmed. The brown lounger had a small rug on it. I move it off, but Natasha was thinking the same and our hands brush. My inner teenager came out and squealed slightly. She was different than the men I have dated. Her hand is softer, gentler. I'm new to loving ladies, so this little girl in me has been buried a long time. She smiles and reels back her hand and lets me move the rug off. The camera people set up the cameras in front of the sofa as Nat and I sit in each other. Me under her arm and our hands interlocked. It wasn't eve for show. When you truly care for someone, it shouldn't matter what is happening around you, but only what is going on in your own little bubble.With Natasha I am somewhere both distant to the current space yet still close. 

Eventually Paige tells us to face the camera and we follow her. She was going to ask questions right at us and we should answer as much as we want. I was hoping it to be short because there's pizza waiting but also long cause I've never heard Natasha's full thoughts on the relationship. While she may have kissed me first and is the leader of this whole partner thing, but I'm only a fetus in this area. 

~~

It felt so normal for Elise to be under my arm. Like I was meant to be there. I smiled at her then at page. We were both very tired but this whole situation made us a bit more awake. 

"Hi I'm Natsha Negovanlis"

"And I'm Elise Bauman" she immediately starting laughing at the end of that and j couldn't help follow. Her giggle is adorable and I think I may need a heart surgeon at the end of this because my heart can't take th adorableness that is Elise Bauman. 

"Hey Elise" I say and have my actions planned out. 

"Yeah?" She says innocently

"Come here" I smirk. 

When she gets closer I peck her lips. On camera. Not in character. I'd be lying if I didn't say it felt relieving. She smiles and goes in for another but deeper this time. My heart pumps so hard I'm worried about it bursting again. This girl really _will_ be the end of my existence. I break away and give a small smile and turn back to the camera. 

"Alright. So how was your first encounter?" Paige says 

I look at Elise to answer but she just watches me and raises her eyebrows. I show my teeth and raise my lips and turn to the camera. 

"Welllll. If you must know. We met in the audition room a couple times, and like I said before. I knew if I get the part that Elise would be my co actor. She was the one."

"Right," Elise decides to jump in. "and then after wards was us just rehearsing and going over lines before filiming because it was the biggest thing we've done since then. Acting wise. So we met up and it just... How would you say it? Clicked." She smiles at me and I feel my face go red. 

Paige interrupts my winding mind with the next question. "Who would you say is the more Carmilla? Laura?"

I'm still stricken silent. I couldn't understand it. I just didn't know how to face it. So Elise speaks up in my absence. 

"I think neither of us are purely Laura or Carmilla. I think we are a mix. Maybe I'm more Laura because of my curiosity and drive to do things. I take great pride in what I do and won't stop till its done. And Nat may be a bit more Carmilla because she's more a romantic softie."

"I am not!" Is the only thing I can muster out. 

"Oh please. Like those candle light dinners and working all day on a pellow fort for us isn't romantic?" She gives a challenging look like she won.

I start cracking up. "Pellow?"

"what?"

I laugh more. "Pellow, Elise?"

"I have your apartment keys. Don't tempt me to have a reason to trash it."

I wrap closer. "Mhmm. Sureee," she says in a high sarcastic voice. "You wouldn't touch that. You love me too much." She reels in her lips after saying that. Word slip. 

What I didn't expect is for her to cuddle closer. 

"Of course." She smiles and kisses my cheek. 

I smile and roll my eyes and wait for the next question. 

"Just two more or so. Can you describe your relationship in a metaphor?"

I furrow my brows and think. It comes so easily it's felt like I've thought about it before but I've never actually thought of it this way. 

"You know the saying opposites attract? Her being a health nut, dorky, little gay. And me being a Hopless romantic, softie apparently, and having differing views on things. It resembles colours. Red doesn't mix with green, but mixes well with blue. I'm red." I smile directly at her, "...and she's blue." 

Elise recoils with her face going red and falling into the crook of my arm hiding her giggling. 

"Well, shit. That was cute! How do I top that!"

"The same way you top me in- Sorry. Unnecessary." We both start dying laughing. "I'm sorry." Still laughing and I see Paige chuckle slightly. 

"If I had to describe our relationship? You know how a comet burns up before hitting the earth. It has to go through so much heat and force before it finally breaks through. In this analogy I am the comet. And she is the earth. The start of us was like burning through the atmosphere. Now it's free and open and I have al the space to fall to earth."

This time I smiled uncontrollably. "Quiting acting to be an astronomer, eh?"

"Only if you're the moon I'm going for." 

I nudge her playfully. "Shut up."

"Final question. Are you planning anything in the future for you two? Projects? Events? Anything?"

We both look at each other knowing something to avoid. 

I start. "Well nothing at the moment but we have Almost Adults but also we're just playing it by ear. Go with the flow ya know?"

"Ditto."

"Dork."

"Nerd." We both pout our lip.

"Thank you for watching Carmilla season 2 and hope we can get a season 3." I say to finish off. 

"And cut." He says. 

I stand up and pull Elise up. I kiss her. Open mouthed and bodies close. 

"I love you Elise..." I say with my forehead on hers. 

"I umm-"


	11. Chapter 11: Um What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble in paradise for our little Canadian gays. What will come about this silence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so sorry for the lack of updating this fic. I know there's much demand for it, so I'm trying my best here.

She _loves me. She actually loves me. Would take a bullet for me love. What do I say? I know my heart feels the same, but do my vocal chords care to admit it?_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_That was a month and a half ago. I haven't talked to her since... god please help me._

~~~

I spin in my chair. Lolling my head side to side trying to figure out what I should do. My phone sits on my desk as I spin. With each rotation I hope I hear the ping that I've set for Elise. Special vibration and sound, so no matter what I may be doing. I know it would be her. I spin faster and faster but still nothing. My vision gets too intense for me and I end up falling off and onto the carpeted ground. My sight still spinning I look up to the ceiling. I sigh loudly hoping maybe a god or something would hear it. Not one text. Not one message. Not one snap chat. Just gone. It's like a puff of smoke. There, then, just not.

_This is getting pathetic Nat. You are an adult. Act like it._

With that I got up and started to walk. Realizing the immense weight tht my head caused I stumbled slightly and regained my balance. I wasn't going to sit around and let the world take its course. She means too much to let up and I'm slowly losing my chance. Like a ball just out of reach. Your arm may stop but the ball keeps rolling farther and farther out of reach. 

I grab my leather jacket, that I basically own now, my phone, and a... Guitar? 

~~~ 

"Elise. You need to get up out of bed. Do some yoga or something. But you need to move cause now I'm thinking you have a muscle disorder and you're physically unable." My new friend Justine tries to pull the covers off  

"I just may be," I say from my head under the pillow. I grip the sheets so they don't come off. 

I've been a bit of a mess since that night long ago. While it was maybe two months ago max, it felt like a century. Waiting. Praying. Hoping. Yet nothing. I've sent text after text. Called so many times that night. And the night after that. It was like that for days. But I get the same. Or the lack there was in getting for that matter. 

Justine ripped the covers off when I least expected it and I curled up into myself. Being already just past five feet, and barely that, I was just like a child not wanting to go to school. Except my school, is my reality. 

When I say up my hair was ratty and messy, and probably the worst smelling it ever had been. Even worse than the time when Nat spilled her piña colada in during the filming of almost adults. God I smelled like pineapples for a week. 

And thoughts like that lead me back under the pillow. 

"Elise! Come on. It's not your fault taht she was a betrayer and probably has a good reason or something. It's eight at night on a Saturday, the best way to get  _over_ someone, is to get  _under_ someone else. And that means you too, now come onnnn!" She tries to pull my arms  

"Justine, just stop. Please. I'll deal with this on my own. I've done it before I can do it again, I should be fine. It wasn't even that long anyway." I grumble.

 It was true. The relationship really wasn't that long but the feelings, God the feelings have been there forever. Over a year now. I again sit up and put my feet out of the bed. Standing up. Justine raising her eyebrows in my suddenness to move. 

"See? There you go. A step in the right direction." I roll my eyes and move past her into the kitchen. My flat mate long gone and leaving just me. I grab a pitcher of juice from the fridge and a glass. 

"Justine?" I call from outside 

"yeah?" She says stepping in. 

"I need to go to her. I can't get under someone unless I  _do_ get over her. And I can't get over her unless I have a full goodbye. Those damn pictures too. I want to delete them, but do you know how many people would question those. Also, a part of me doesn't want to delete them."

She nods knowing the feeling. Expecting the next request she goes to grab a change of clothes for me and her keys. 

I'm an adult and no longer a child. I can't keep this inside and expect the rest to follow the way I want it to. It's time to halt this silent standoff. 

~~~ (third person)

The chase was on Natasha heading in one direction by foot, Elise by car in the other. Both their internal storms brewing and ready to destroy everything in their wake. The sky is clear. The stars bright and moon big. Just like the beach. Just like the gritty old piece of driftwood to be reused as the sparking moment between them. Just like tonight. 

Natasha having a tune in her head. One she has sung over and over again. Constantly having it stuck in her head. It may have been the only pop song she actually knew fully. If you could even call it pop. 

Elise on the other hand was in a light jacket over a tank top, sweatpants pooling at her feet, strapped with flip flops. She thoughtd it be a one and done thing, thinking Natasha truely didn't care for her anymore due to the lack of communication. 

What neither of them relized was that Elise's phone was able to receive or send messages. To anyone. She's focused herself to just exercise and classes that she thought it was just good timing. They tried to communicate for about three four weeks but since there was no reply they both stopped. They also didn't realize her phone kicked back in and the messages could come in, but nothing before that. Therefore leading both of them to think they were avoiding each other. Both their storms kicked into hyperdrive the closer they got. 

~~~

"Justine! Stop the car!" I yell and the car jolts to a halt. 

Justine's bleach blonde hair jerked forward and looked up to me. 

"What is your deal!?" She almost shouts and looks up to see what the problem was. 

On the side of the head lights on the side walk was a dark figure carrying a big case. Her face was tired and exhausted but the eyes were dark brown with golden specks. Black hair falling down the side. 

I exchange looks with Justine and her eyes tell me to go out, as we both realize who it is. The silent killer. 

My hand goes to the door handle slowly. I swallow and let the cool air rush inside. The sounds of seagulls soon filling the car. My mind flashes back to the night long ago. I step out with my daring public apperence. I nod to Justine as I stand on the walk way. She drives away and now it's just us two looking at each other with the sound of rushing water near by. 

"Hey..." I say first breaking the silence between us. 

For almost a moment I saw Natasha just stare at me. Like she was seeing something that only had her attention. She stepped closer and I swallow. 

"Hey yourself," she cracks a slight grin. Slight. There was still so much explaining to do. 

She started walking and I hop on her side, with some distance. So much more distance than i ever wanted to be between us. The case slightly bounces at her side and we exchange quick glances and looks. Awkwardly but eventually falling to the ground. Seeing her after quite some time away is both depressing and entirely irritating. I just wanted to stop and talk about it. Scream. Cry. What did it matter. Just talk or say something. 

After walking more in silence we cut over to some sandy stairs that lead down to an overlook. Trees on both sides, opening up to the bay that leads to a channel, then eventually the Great Lakes. Natasha stops short and I almost run into the back of her. She sets the case on the bench and leans on the banister. The faded reds and oranges.  

"I guess we have a lot to talk about?" She starts to say 

"Yeah. We do..." I look at her and can't help but lose myself in her eyes. Wanting to close my own to remember her scent, her touch, her everything. But I keep them open to keep my mind set on the mission. But that mission is starting to get distorted as a new clarity is coming through. 


End file.
